First thing I want to tell you, is that being Thom Conroy requires the effacement of all ego. You must be prepared to abandon self infatuation and self-centered concerns. Is this you? If so, you may proceed.
Now double-check to make certain that you begin life with the proper grandparents, the right ma and pa and brother. Have you fallen in love?.
But say you have. Say you've come this far. It's only the beginning.
Have you dedicated yourself to the appearance of serious scholarly pursuit by earning a Master's Degree in English? And if you have, do you often escape into stories and other forms of intoxication?. Do you frequently abandon reason to chaos?
Have you had your portrait drawn in a studio in the middle of the Oklahoma woods? Did you ever mask your lack of imagination by boasting about how you've stood on the bank of the Seine, drinking very, very cheap wine? Do you love Keats, roses, and the desert? Have you passed an hour ot two at the Hip Farm?
Have you spent tired and sweaty afternoons staring at landscapes that you could have seen on postcards? Have you lived a secret life?
Can you tell the difference between Joe and a deer (it's a little harder than you might think)? Do you remember standing on the far side of the Golden Gate bridge, conjuring the spirit who drifts over Alcatraz, feeling quiet, feeling wonder?
Have you cultivated a deep reverence for pineapples?
If you've answered YES to all of the above questions, than there is
high probability that you are, in fact, Thom Conroy. Please pick-up
your official certification.
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