Friendship can be a strange phenomenon. Did you ever watch the show Seinfeld and ask yourself the question "How can they be friends?" Jerry is so neat and articulate, George is so lazy and neurotic, Elaine is the only women in the group occupied with male problems, and Kramer is just plain Kramer. It is a question I have asked myself a time or two while watching the show, but now I have some answers. Paul H. Wright's, "Self-Referent Motivation and the Intrinsic Quality of Friendship" elaborates on the question of friendship. It takes a deliberate look at the seemingly most simple relationship in society and breaks it down into digestable pieces of knowledge.
1. Ego support value is the supportive and caring side that a friend has towards us. It is the ability to be there for one another when their are tough times as well as good times. Wright says that this is one of the reasons that your friends attractive to spend time with.
2. Self-Affirmation value is the ability that a friend has to bring out a better side in each other. Hanging around this person allows you to be the person that you wish to be and not someone who you are not. It is the personality that creates a favorable impression in each other's mind.
3. Stimulus value is the ability of a friend to keep things interesting, fun, and sometimes strange so that the relationship is fresh. Jokes, pranks, and good natured fun are all ways that you can keep a relationship stimulated.
4. Security value is the amount of comfort a person feels while being around the other. It is the sense that you are not being threatened by that person.
These ideas relate to the social exchange theory, in that they are accurat ways for a person to judging the benefits of having a friend minus the costs of not having a relationship.
Wright, P.H. (1984). Self-Referent Motivation and the Intrinsic Quality of Friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1 , 115-130
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