60 above:    South Carolinians wear coats, gloves, and woolly hats.  Ohio people sunbathe.

50 above:    New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.  Ohio people plant gardens.

40 above:    Italian cars won't start.  Ohio people drive with the windows down.

32 above:    Distilled water freezes.  Lake Erie's water gets thicker.

20 above:    Californians shiver uncontrollably.  Ohio people have the last cook-out before it gets cold.

10 above:    New York landlords finally turn up the heat.  Ohio people throw on a sweatshirt.

- 0 - :          Californians fly away to Mexico.  Ohio people lick the flagpole.

20 below:    People in Miami cease to exist.  Ohio people get out their winter coats.

40 below:    Hollywood disintegrates.  Ohio Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

60 below:    Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.  Ohio Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" training until it gets cold enough.

80 below:    Mt. St. Helen's freezes.  Ohio people rent some videos.

100 below:    Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.  Ohio people get frustrated when the deer start heading south.

297 below:    Microbial life survives on dairy products.  Ohio cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below:    ALL atomic motion stops.  Ohio people start saying...."Cold 'nuff for ya?"

500 below:    Hell freezes over.  The Browns win the Super Bowl.