All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand.    ~Sir Boyle Roche

We can’t legislate against every stupid thing people will do, and yet the temptation is there to try time and time again.    ~Minn. Gov. Jesse Ventura

I tried to think and nothing happened.    ~Curly                  

In weightlifting, I don’t think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child.  She must be found and stopped.    ~Sam Levenson

Definition of Stress:  the confusion created when one’s mind overrides the body’s desire to beat or choke the living crap out of some moron who desperately needs it.

A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.    ~Burt Bacharach

640k ought to be enough for anybody.   ~Bill Gates, 1981                     

You don’t have to agree with me, but it’s quicker.

It’s impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.    ~Murphy’s Second Corollary

Work is only work if you’d rather be doing something else.    ~Ray Prince

I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

Lottery:  a tax on people who do not understand statistics.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends.  If they’re okay, then it’s you.    ~Rita Mae Brown

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.    ~Lily Tomlin

A nuclear power plant is infinitely safer than eating, because 300 people choke to death on food every year.  ~Dixy Lee rey

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.  ~Casey Stengel

The greatest torture in the world for most people is to think.  ~Luther Burbank