WCW "TALENT"

Okay, okay fine. I will admit that while the notion

that any WCW wrestler could be a fraction of a

percernt as entertaining to watch as a WWF wrestler

is indeed laughable (HA-HA), there are a couple WCW

"superstars" that do cause me to crack a smile when I

accidentally flip over to Nitro when Raw is at a

commercial.

These two guys are the only saving graces of WCW wrestling. If it weren't for these fellas, WCW would be a complete and utter waste of money and air-time. My only hope is that these guys finally come to grips with the reality that they are indeed on a sinking ship and come back to the winning team. Come home, Razor Ramon. We miss you.

that I can somewhat tolerate for a fleeting commercial

break. Bear in mind I do not like them, I just don't hate

them.

(I'd like to interject a little footnote in here if I could. I had the hardest time in the

world getting these damn images from the WCW homepage to show up on mine. Just

another reason for me to despise Ted Turner's stinking guts. Thank you.)

Buff Bagwell

So let me get this straight: You're Buff, and you're the... what? I can't seem to remember. Maybe you should repeat that annoying catch-phrase every five minutes so it will stick with me. Ah, Buff ain't that bad of a guy. He's done some funny stuff (when he'd impersonate The Cat, who I hate, was pretty good) which is more than you can say for the rest of his WCW ilk.

Hulk Hogan

Call me a sentimental schmuck, but I grew up idolizing this guy, so it's really hard for me to not like him a little bit. Hulk Hogan was the only pro-wrestler on the planet as far as I was concerned when I was seven. Of course, the WWF is his home and that's where he belongs, but we all make stupid mistakes in our lives. You're forgiven, Hulk.

Jeff Jarrett

Please understand, I don't like Jeff Jarrett. Not even a little bit. I just want to take this opportunity to publicly thank him for not taking Debra over to WCW with him. Thanks Jeff. You're a noble guy.

"The Macho-Man" Randy Savage

I like Macho-Man in the same way I like Hogan. I spent my single-digit years in total awe of him, so it's cool to see that he's still around. Plus, he's got Gorgeous George. I don't know about you, but that's more than enough to earn my respect. It's amazing that Randy's still wrestling, though because every time the guy speaks he acts as though he's experiencing four brain embolisms at once. OOHH-YEEEEAAAHH!!!

Perry Saturn

Ummm... ah, never mind. I hate this guy, too.

Rey Mysterio Jr.

How old is this kid? Ten? Twelve? That's enough reason to give him props. He has a lousy character and about as much acting ability as a slab of gouda cheese, but he sure does pull off some fancy, high-flying moves. Kind of like what the Hardy Boys would be if they were "thugs".

Vampiro

You know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever once paid attention while this guy was fighting. But he had the Insane Clown Posse fighting with him for a little while and now he's got the freaking MISFITS behind him. The guy must be doing something right.

Sting

Ah, the Stinger. One of the all time greats. Along with Hogan, Macho-Man, and Andre The Giant, Sting was also among the ranks of my boyhood favorites. Though, much like now, I was fully aware that the WWF was superior, even when I was a mere pup. So I never saw Sting much. As far as I new, he was the only guy in WCW.

Note: Please be aware that there are far more WCW personalities that I detest than I have listed below. You see, I'm on a bit of a regimented schedule with this website so I simply don't have the time to list every reason that I hate every wrestler. That's just too many masked-Mexicans for me to handle.

Diamond Dallas Page

Hey DDP! Want to hear a neat secret that may further your wrestling career? It's called EXERCISE, you flabby putz! Cripes! Have you ever seen this clod with his shirt off? Yecch! This guy looks like he's about as fit to wrestle as Marlon Brando looks fit to run the Boston Marathon. Go back to the trailer park, Jethro.

The Filthy Animals

Hey kids, look! It's the Filthy Animals! And you know what that means, don't you? That's right, all Mexican people are filthy, violent gang-bangers! The WWF may be crass, racy, and crude, but at least they don't perpetuate stereotypes.

Lex Luger

Damn Luger! Couldn't you have saved at least a few steroids for the rest of us?

Juventud Guerrera

You see what I'm talking about here, people? Who the hell is this guy? I don't know, and I think it's probably pretty safe to say that the most avid of WCW viewers wouldn't know either! If WCW fired every obscure, no-name wrestler they had on the payroll, they could probably use the extra revenue to feed a starving third-world country.

Konnan

I know I already mentioned The Filthy Animals, but I had to single out this idiot because he was annoying way before he joined up with them. Yeah, Konnan. You're hispanic and you're a thug. We get it.

Larry Zbyszko

Living legend my ass! This guy is about as interesting to listen to as WCW wrestling is to watch. I'd like to see Zbyszko go one-on-one with Jerry Lawler. The King would mop the floor with this dork.

Goldberg

Second-rate pro-football player. Grunting, head-slapping redneck icon. "Loveboat" passenger. Evil "Universal Soldier" villian. Yep, Bill here has done it all. If I were him, I'd spear my agent.

"The Nature Boy" Ric Flair

You can't help but be a little impressed with Flair. Even though he's three days older than Jesus and his body is saggier than a slowly deflating Spider-Man balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, he's still able to come out night after night and give the same half-assed, boring, ultimately pointless performance in front of a unimpressed worldwide audience of disappointed wrestling fans. Bravo.