12 December 2001--This entry brings me to a much different place than where I was this time last year. We were pregnant and fool of just great hope for the future and for our baby. Now, all we have left is our memories of the short time that we had together as a family. Of course, I was the lucky one. I got to know our sweet Nicholas for six months, when Nick only had a week with our little boy. I really did treasure every moment of that pregnancy.

Now, we are not only saddened by not having the Christmas together that we wanted, but we are also not pregnant yet. I am trying to not take it out on my body, but sometimes it is so hard to deal with. I was doing so well with my cycles. I had periods every 32 days and ovulated on Day 16 every single month for 5 months, then when the month finally came for us to try again, I stopped ovulating and went back to a bad cycle. It is so frustrating. to make matters worse, I have no idea what is going on with my cycle. It is just so distorted.

In any case, this Christmas is a little less happy than other Christmases, but I am not completely down and out. I have a wonderful husband, a warm house to sleep in, a good job, and friends and family who love me. With those things, I think that I can go on and hope for the future sounds of children in my home.

Happy Holidays to all of you readers! May peace with you always.

3 January 2002--Another year has begun and it seems like thing might just be looking up in terms of ovulation and my period. I went to an anointing of the sick service at my church and felt so wonderful afterwards It has really given me hope.

So here is the update. I took the prometrium on November 3 to jump start my period and it looks like it has. I had one bleeding immediately following the prometrium. Since then, I have had two periods. The first one was annovulatory, but the second one I am fairly certain I ovulated.

So, to take the guess work out of it all, I bought a saliva ovulation predictor from Craig Medical. It is wonderful. It only costs $30 and it is so great. You just lick the little slide, wait five minutes, and it will tell you if you have ovulated. I hope to ovulate on Tuesday, January 8th. Wish me luck!